


What Happened to WolfStar:  All Yours (Part 2)

by fantasytrash



Series: What Happened to WolfStar [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Azkaban, Canon Compliant, Dementors, Depression, First Wizard War, Hurt, Insanity, M/M, POV Sirius Black, Potterverse, Sadness, Sirius in Azkaban, Song fic, wizard world, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-28
Updated: 2018-05-28
Packaged: 2019-05-15 02:57:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14782343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fantasytrash/pseuds/fantasytrash
Summary: The second in the fourteen-part  "What Happened to WolfStar"  series.  This part sees Sirius suffering in Azkaban.  Listen to the song All Yours by Ben Haenow when reading if you'd like.  It captures the essence of Sirius's thoughts.





	What Happened to WolfStar:  All Yours (Part 2)

**Author's Note:**

> This work is in no way affiliated with, sponsored, endorsed or approved by her amazingness J.K. Rowling or the Warner Bros. company.

“Incarcerous!”

Sirius is knocked to the ground as thick brown ropes appear out of nowhere and wrap tightly around him.

“Expelliarmus!”

His wand flies from his hand and a tall wizard in dark blue robes catches it.

“Sirius Black!  You are under arrest for the murder of Peter Pettigrew and twelve-”

Sirius hears nothing after that.  He laughs out loud.  It’s a grim, humourless laugh.  It’s unattractive and formidable but Sirius is hysterical.

Four Aurors surround him.  Two hoist him to his feet.  Sirius is still laughing, completely unhinged.  He’s a breathless mess as the Aurors lead him down the street, hot tears rolling down his cheeks. 

A crowd has formed.  News travels fast.  The order is here.

Sirius locks eyes with Remus. 

Suddenly he is completely sober. 

There is a cracking sound and everything around them blurs.  They are at the ministry now.  Sirius is marched into a big office. 

“You’ve made a big mess, Black-”

Sirius pays no attention to the people moving and talking around him.  Remus is in his head.  Remus’s face and the look he’d had in his eyes has Sirius panicking.

“You can go now.”  The tall wizard in blue nods to the two Aurors holding Sirius’s bound arms.

_Go where?_

They disapparate and the air goes cold, a horrible, deathly cold.  Sirius can smell sea salt and feel a heavy mist.  His blood chills. 

_It can’t be._

_It is._

Sirius goes completely numb.

Everything around him fades away as the first dementor attack ensues.

_Reckless.  That what I was.  So, so reckless._

_Leaving Remus, chasing Peter.  For what?_

_I’m rotting here and James and Lily are still dead._

The horrible part is that Sirius knows Remus.  He knows how Remus works, knows how he thinks.  He knows how Remus will read the situation.

He’d seen it in Remus’s eyes the day of his arrest.

_He thinks I did it._

_Everyone does._

_But I didn't..._

_Are you sure?_

Each attack is terrifying and the dementors take everything.   

_Have I ever smiled?_

He tries, he tries so damn hard to remember the good.

But there is no good left.  Even Remus.  Sirius can only remember bad times.  Arguments, fights, The Prank and how he’d almost lost Remus forever _that_ time.

_You've lost him forever this time._

The dementors take everything good.  But the fact that he loves Remus remains.  Sirius supposes it's because that fact is neither good nor bad, it simply is.  It always will be. 

That is the worst.  Knowing he loves Remus, but not knowing why. 

The memories of his family resurface after a while.  Bad memories.  Memories he’s spent so long tucking away.  He is so empty now they unlock too easily. 

Sirius holds onto his innocence. 

It provides the smallest piece of sanity and reality. 

_Just hold on._

_Why bother?_

_Hold on._

_To what?_

_I didn’t do it._

_What good is your innocence?  You’re still stuck here._

_Maybe Remus will believe me._

_Why would he?_

_He loves me._

_Does he?_

Sirius used to hope so, but now even hoping is impossible.

He knows two things. 

He is innocent.

He is Remus’.

_Remus doesn’t want you._

_But I’m all his._

The voices in his head never stop.  Neither do the dementors.  Sirius is a shadow of a man.

He barely moves, has no motivation.

He focuses on picturing Remus’s face.

But he sees it less and less.

It’s blurry and faded, barely a face at all now. 

Some of the bad memories, like those of his of his mother and Regulus become almost comforting.  They get taken too. 

_You have nothing now._

_I have my innocence._

_What good is that in here?_

_It keeps me alive._

_Wouldn’t you rather die?_

Sirius contemplates this regularly. 

_I have Remus._

_Do you?_

Dour days and dour nights.  Sirius can hardly differentiate between the two.  Azkaban never sees sunlight.  It is always dark.  The mist is always heavy, always cold and always full of dementors.

But there is so much pain and hate in Sirius- only pain and hate.  There is nothing left for the dementors.  So the attacks stop.  But the voices do not.

Sleep comes so easily.  It’s all he can do anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading /*


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